So, Ryan and I are going to look at apartments tomorrow, not for both of us, just for him. But I figured it couldn't be a bad sign that he asked me to go with him.
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Posted by Amanda at 12:13 AM
Monday, January 26, 2009
I wish I had something exciting to write about. Nothing seems to be happening at the moment. I've been meaning to update for the past few days, but every time I tried to I could find the words. I feel like I have so much to say, but it just won't come out.
Posted by Amanda at 4:24 PM
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Posted by Amanda at 11:57 PM
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
So, y'all are gonna think I'm crazy, but I've had this secret dream, since I was in like middle school, to be a model. And watching marathons of ANTM never helps (though I haven't done that in a while). Crazy right, I'm not at all model material, but whatevs, its my dream, I'll make it what I want.
Anyway, so the other day I'm trolling all the posts on craigslist looking for anything interesting and I find this:
Hi. I'm looking to do a concept shoot and would like to use a thin/petite model. The fewer curves the better.... If interested, please email me with a sample photo and any questions you may have. I will be happy to provide details at that time.
So my first thought is, whoa, I have NO curves, I'd be perfect, ha ha, and then I ignored it and moved on. But the thought stuck with me and I went back a day or two later and the post was still there. So I thought 'what the heck, why not at least email the guy'. I mean, I know how hard it is to get people to model for you, especially when you're looking for something specific and you're not offering money.
So I emailed him, and he emailed back (Kara thinks he's a rapist, but whatev, I'm too trusting for that to be my first thought). Due to the fact that I can, at times, look like I've just returned from a prison camp, he said my 'look' would work just fine. So I'm gonna do it, and I'm making Kara come with me for two reasons 1.) So I don't get raped and killed and 2.) I thought it would be a cool experience for her since she's really gotten into her photography lately. Plus, it'll be a good experience for me and my shiz too.
The other dream I've had (since third grade) and not told anyone about was being a writer. I've wanted to be a writer for so long. I used to write little stories and 'publish' them in my own little 'paper' and then hand them out to my family. I even illustrated a couple of them. Unfortuantely, as I got older I kinda stopped writing, I mean, every now and then I'll get a really good line and write it down somewhere, but never anything long enough to do something with.
Well, about 3 months ago, as I was driving home from somewhere, a really good line jumps into my head, and I was like 'oh crap, that is just too good to let go'. So I figured it was time I actually started trying to write the book I've always wanted to write, which is where my other blog came from. Whether or not I'll get anywhere with it is yet to be seen, but who knows, maybe I'll actually finish this one...
Posted by Amanda at 6:42 PM
Sunday, January 11, 2009
So, Wyatt and little Wyatt (Vickie) had an after party, after their reception (hence the 'after' part of the party). Anyway, there was a lot of alcohol at the after party because there wasn't any at the reception. Now, I'm not a big drinker, but they had rasberry chuck and I didn't realize this until after I already had a green apple. Two drinks usually aren't a problem for me as long as I eat something, and I was kinda eating stuff, but since there was rasberry chuck too, I had 3 drinks, and then Wyatt thought it was funny that I was 'buzzed' so he went and got me another drink, which I only drank half of before Ryan wouldn't let me have it anymore.
I wasn't drunk, I was just buzzed, I swear, I was thinking straight and could balance on one foot and everything, I even remember the whole night, I was just really dizzy, and seeing how I get dizzy easily without help...well, you can imagine. Also, I know that when I get like that, I'm not entirely in control what comes out of my mouth. Not that what I say is terrible, I just usually edit better, mostly its stuff about myself that I usually wouldn't tell anyone. So this time, after a lot of people had already left, Ryan and I were sitting with Dan, Bria, Nathanael, Beth, and Kristin...actually, Beth might not have been with us at that point...anyway, Kristin and I were talking (Ryan was the only other one listening to us) about kids...to be honest, I'm not entirely sure why, but I did tell her that they have to wait so that we can have kids at the same time, that way they can grow up together. I was saying that the other day I had been reading about natural gender selection (which is basically choosing the gender of your baby by the kind of foods you eat and other things like that).
I've been saying for the last year or so that I want 2 kids, but only if the first is a boy, because I don't want to chance having 2 girls. But as I was talking to Kristin about this, I was telling her something I didn't plan on telling anyone...as much as I want 2 kids, I don't really know if I want a boy first or not, because as much as I want a boy and a girl, I really want a girl, and I'm afraid that if I do have a kid that I'll only be able to have one. The reason behind my fear? Endometriosis. Endometriosis is a disease where tissue that lines the uterus also grows outside of the uterus, causeing several things including infertility. I don't know that I have this disease, its just something that I'm afraid of because its characterized by a screwed up menstral cycle, which I have. Now I could just have that because I'm little and my weight yo-yos a lot, or because I'm slightly anemic, or whatever, but it could also be caused by endometriosis. Which is frightening.
So, after having this conversation with Kristin, she gets up for something and while she's gone I look over at Ryan. He looks at me, almost sadly, and says real quiet "You never told me you were worried about that." I just shrugged and looked away, what are you suppost to say to that? "Oh, sorry, I never really planned on telling anyone, let alone you, I just happen to have a little too much tonight and I'm not editting what I say very well." Yeah, I don't think so.
Its not that I didn't want him to know eventually, but...he's always on the look out for me to be manipulating him into marrying me sooner than he wants too. I want kids, and he knows that, but I don't want him to think that I would use something like this to get him to marry me sooner so that I could have kids, or find out if I can anyway. I don't know, maybe that sounds crazy....yeah, it probably does sound crazy, it kinda is, but thats my life. And now one of my biggest fears is out there in the open, so hopfully he'll do something good with it and not just ignore that fact that I'm serioulsy worried about it.
Though what I expect him to do about it I have no idea...
Posted by Amanda at 7:37 PM
Friday, January 9, 2009
So, I'm in MD for Wyatt and Vickie's wedding, and I'm spending the night at Vickie's. However, anyone who knows Vickie knows she goes to bed the same time any normal 80 year old would (ok, so its not really that early, but hey, I exaggerate, get over it), and I'm the only one here besides her family since all the guys are staying at their apartment with Wyatt. So to occupy my time between when Vic went upstairs to sleep and when I am going to sleep I've been trolling through random blogs. I have to say, and yes, I know this sounds stalkerish, I enjoy reading about other people's lives. The things is, other people are so much more entertaining than I am.
There was this one blog, especiaLEE, that was about an asian girl who lives in LA (or there abouts) and goes to college in Syracuse, there wasn't anything overly special about what she was writing, just what she was doing during her break from school, and how she felt about having to go back, and you know what? It was way more interesting than anything I've written on this blog, aside from maybe that one post about how I was falling apart. I have to admit, that was some pretty dramatic stuff, true, but dramatic all the same.
Why can't my life be cool and interesting? Maybe a better question is why do I bother? No one ever reads this anyway....Though maybe I should put a counter on, that way I would know how many people are actually here and just not commenting...
Posted by Amanda at 10:50 PM
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
So, for the first time today I got to color with the 2 year old I babysit. I've tried coloring with him before, but he always lost interest quickly. Well, he got a Cars color wonder coloring book for Christmas and he was really excited about coloring in it, but like with everything else I HAVE to do it with him or he pouts. Unfortunately he wanted my HELP, which in 2 year old terms means that he wanted to color only where I was coloring and no where else. I, on the other hand, cannot handle coloring in the same place as someone else. I about smacked the kid, he kept pushing my marker out of the way and coloring over what I had already done!
I have no patience for children that color like that. If my children ever tried that with me, they'd lose they're crayons for a week.
Posted by Amanda at 2:02 PM
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Yes, yes I am posting again already, hopefully I'll be able to keep up with this a little better than I have the past year, but who knows.
So I changed the layout...again. I hate boring layouts and I hate cool layouts that don't let you post pictures. Lame.
Anyway, things have been going well, I think mostly I get so desperate sometimes because I can't say this stuff to Ryan's face. I always have things planned that I want to say to him, or I rant at him in my head, but once I actually get in front of him it just doesn't seem that important anymore.
For now my biggest problem is paying all my bills. I NEED another job, but I can't seem to find one at the moment.
P.S.- Comments are always nice, even anonymous ones.
Posted by Amanda at 4:18 PM